Walking, losing weight and taking photos of life in Virginia.

Posts from the ‘Television’ category

Mother And Daughter Crying / Verizon Commercial / Crazy Commercial Of The Week

The most annoying/craziest commercial of the week award goes this week to the mother and daughter who wander into the Verizon store crying pathetically about the notion that the daughter will soon be leaving.  I think she is moving up the street or something.  It’s difficult to tell they are blubbering so much.
This commercial is so bad I’m not going to put up a Youtube video of it.  It’s not a good idea to tempt your reader(s) to shoot your blog and damage their own computer monitor in the process.  As one person commented about this travesty:

“if i was rich i’d shoot my TV every time this came on.”

Right on, brother.  What gets into the minds of television types that they are able to think of things like this?  Never mind, I really don’t want to know.  I’ve already seen way too much of what goes on in their minds.

There’s also a guy in this sad and sorry adventure.  I think I recognize him from the last time I was in the Verizon store and started to ask questions about how to use my smartphone.  Do they give Verizon employees some kind of training to make their eyes open wide while they just sit there and wait for you to leave the store?

This mother and daughter also reminded me of a farewell appearance of Naomi and Wynonna Judd some years back.  On one level it is very touching that they can be so close but can you imagine ever trying to date someone like this?

Me: “Hi Dear, I’m home!”

Me: “What’s the matter, why are you crying?”

Did you ever walk on some ice in the late fall that you knew was not quite ready to bear the weight of your big, hairy butt?  Well, of course you didn’t!  Because you don’t have one of those!  I was just projecting, as they say, because I was obese awhile back, like one- third of all Americans these days,  and I will never forget the sound of ice starting to crack.  Just a little bit. It’s just like the sound of someone shooting your blog!

And that’s what it would be like living with someone like this poor little girl.  Or her mother.  Don’t even think about the possibility that you would have both of them living with you.  Together!!

Which brings up the question, where’s Dad?  Doesn’t he need a phone too?

Oh, no.  Dad doesn’t need a phone even though he threw his brand new Iphone off a cliff while he seriously considered joined it on a peaceful journey to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.  So where’s Dad?  Dad’s not here, man.  Dad’s down the street at Applebee’s having ten vodka tonics during happy hour.  Or, maybe, he’s just off camera coming into the Verizon store with a machete dressed in tribal gear he picked up while on his latest solo vacation to Arizona.

Maybe that’s why the Verizon guy has such wide eyes and excuses himself to go to the back of the store in such a hurry.

Maybe there’s a part two to this commercial?  Next month.  Or in the fall.  Maybe they will bring them all back on December 22 when the Mayan calendar expires.  It will make it so much easier to deal with the end of mankind knowing that these crying fools and Verizon, too, have reached the end of the line.

Here’s the commercial if you insist on going there.  But please don’t shoot my blog.  Close it first.  Thank you.

 

 

From Russia With Love / Adventures While Walking/ Rumi / Edith Armstrong

Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? ~Rumi

I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love and abundance. Then, whenever doubt, anxiety or fear try to call me, they keep getting a busy signal – and soon they’ll forget my number. ~Edith Armstrong

I was doing the daily walk in our neighborhood yesterday when an attractive, young woman came around the corner about 200 feet down the road. She was walking her dog and wearing a pair of shorts that were cut off at the top of the leg (or thereabouts). Suddenly she bent over to tie her shoe and her butt was pointed in my direction for at least a minute while I continued walking in her direction trying not to look.

The night before, as it happened, I was watching this very cool show on The Animal Planet about the wilds of Russia called, not surprisingly, Wild Russia. And I had been particularly impressed by these mountain goats with four foot horns that run around trying to mate with the little female goats. It’s just a wild, free-for-all with goats darting off in different directions. And there’s really no dating involved.

So, for some reason, this flashed through my mind, when this girl was tying her shoe. But then the strangest thing happened. She stood up, turned in my direction as she started walking away, and smiled broadly. And I thought, “Man, things really haven’t changed all that much. From Russian With Love, baby.” Then I realized she was probably just happy to be outside on a nice day with her dog and friendly as well.

But she went up one road and as I reached the corner I went in the other direction. Why? Because I ain’t no mountain goat.  And, (to bring it back to our Day One: phototime challenge/Open . . .

Be open-minded, but not so open-minded that your brains fall out. ~Stephen A. Kallis, Jr.

Zachary And The Coast Guard Ceremonial Honor Guard / Tomb Of The Unknown Soldier / Jury Duty / The End Of Parenting

It’s Monday morning, sports fans and time to move forward!  Embrace the challenges of the coming week!  Did anybody watch the Stanley Cup playoff games this past weekend?  Talk about a rowdy affair!  There were lots of fights.  Lots of closeups of guys with their front teeth missing.  And the crowds were enjoying it. 

But I was not really enjoying it.  It’s amazing to watch these guys skating so fast and playing with the puck at the same time.  But I wish they would do more of that and less of the other stuff.  Because they don’t look very graceful when they fight.   All the magic flies out the window.  Sometimes things actually degenerate into a hair pulling contest.  And who wants to see that?  Maybe if they were female wrestlers it would be alright.  Mud wrestling can be fun to watch.  At least you know, up front, what you are getting into. 

I hate ending sentences with prepositions.  You are not supposed to do it.  I have failed.  Once again. 
But it’s a new week and there’s still time to make something happen.  Tomorrow I have jury duty.  And I can’t decide what to wear.  Probably a sport coat and a tie would be good.  It would show respect for the court.  Someone recently said on television that defendants are dressed by their lawyers in suits that are too big for them.  So they will look a bit less threatening I suppose.  If  I am chosen for a trial I’m ready for that one!  

Zachary paid us a visit this past weekend.  Today he is going to participate in a ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.  A few weeks ago he was involved in a ceremony where President Obama strolled by (more prepositions durnit!).   He also spent some time training last week in the hangar where Air Force One is located.  So he’s getting around!  And he’s growing up.  I’ve noticed he doesn’t give me a lot of crap when I say something he doesn’t like.  He just keeps on going down the road as they say. 

He doesn’t leave.  I don’t mean to imply that he just gets up and marches out the door.  But, in his mind, he doesn’t dwell on my irritating statements.  He has more important things to worry about these days.  Like not screwing up in front of the President and dignitaries from around the world.
Ah, America.  You’ve gotta love it.
And I can worry about, well, my own problems.  After 38 years of being a parent (long before Zach arrived)  it seems like my official parenting duties are over!  “Over”  as in “over the hill” which is another preposition!  Ahhhh!  It’s a good feeling, I have to say.  Now, what color tie should I wear to the courthouse tomorrow?  Something really wild might be good (just to confuse them).   The problem is that I have cleaned up my act so much in the past year I’m not likely to fool them.  I got the Terry Bradshaw haircut.  But that is also the Larry David haircut.   And I often am accused by certain family members of being a Larry David clone which could not make anyone happy.  
Maybe I should wear tennis shoes and be  like Larry!    I’m actually looking forward to participating in the process.  But do they want me?  I hope so!  I have so much to contribute! 
And I’m ready to go! 

NBC12 New Cover Photo Contest / Vote! / Bringing Us All Together

So the local NBC station, NBC 12 decided to have a photo contest for their Facebook page and picked out eight photos to be finalists.  One of my photos is one of them but it’s not winning.  There are a couple other photos that have more votes.  Maybe they are better.  Probably so.  I was surprised to get 75 votes because I don’t have that many family members on FB.

 

It may have something to do with karma too.  Because I never vote after watching American Idol.  These young people get up there and sing their guts out in front of millions of people.  Sometimes they are humiliated by the judges and have to keep on smiling.  They hold up their fingers so we can figure out how to vote for them.

And, apparently, millions of people do vote.  Although they did something last week that looked phoney.  One of the best singers in the remaining group was voted off!  Jessica Sanchez, who is a very nice talent, got the fewest votes!  Apparently.  So the judges rushed up on the stage and saved her.  One of the other contestants,  Elise Testone,  had a funny smile on her face through the whole process.  She didn’t look worried at all about going home.  Maybe she knew something ahead of time?  Because last week she looked very unhappy after a poor performance.  The girl doesn’t know how to hide her feelings.

I don’t think there’s much chance she will become an actress.

Whatever.  Maybe the whole process is rigged.  It wouldn’t surprise me.  But it would really surprise me if I won the NBC12 new cover photo for their FB page contest.  And it would really, really surprise me if I end up rich and famous because of photography.   Or anything at all!   My best bet is probably to figure out some way to write that is actually very interesting.   Think of Jack Handey, for example.   Jack Handey said,  “It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man”.   That’s just genius in action.

And maybe a good agent, too.  But the point is he became somewhat rich and famous by writing sentences!  Not books.  Not even pamphlets. Writing sentences isn’t too hard!  We all can do that.  But how do we make them really interesting, funny and then get them in front of millions of people?   Ah, there’s the rub.

Maybe I could do a sitcom!   It would start out being a blog and the daily ramblings of a blogger.  But then, at some point,  this blogger and his readers would all end up on NBC12!  Cool!   Right now I’m watching American Pickers on the History Channel.  We all know it’s about two guys and their search for really exciting junk that’s been hiding out in old barns for a long time.  So anything is possible if not very likely.

One thing that I have noticed is that our local NBC channel has done a good job of interacting with folks on Facebook. They start discussions about things like Tom Brady’s new mansion out there in California and they ask questions like this. . .”If you were the lone winner of tonight’s Mega-Millions lotto Jackpot. . . So let me ask you – is it true that money can’t buy happiness – or is that just something people of modest income say to make themselves feel better..?”.

They post pictures and ask us to add captions. They’re nice. And I’m starting to feel like we are all in this thing together. Although I’m still not feeling like my pic is going to be their new cover photo. It has been fun to be included though. And it’s fun blogging as well. Ten years ago it would just have been an old guy with his big television box being fed media nonsense.

Now he can interact! And send nonsense back to the world! He’s much less isolated (as are we all in a way) and using his imagination. He has even learned to talk about himself in the third person! What’s next?!

Maybe he should make a Youtube video! It worked for Justin Bieber!

 

 

Crazy Commercial Of The Week / ZQuiet Will Put You Out!

 

This week’s Crazy Commercial winner is ZQuiet!   And here we have a young man and his girl as they settle down for a restful night’s sleep after he inserts the ZQuiet device in his mouth.  Clearly the ZQuiet device is not only a cure for snoring but a potent sleep aid as the young man is instantly comatose once his head hits the pillow.  I’m wondering if he’s using MyPillow, another peacemaker in the bedroom,  since he’s instantly OUT and it’s not clear exactly why ZQuiet has such a profound effect.

 

I couldn’t find an exact replica of the commercial on Youtube but it’s part of this one which, unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your point of view, is in Spanish.  At least I think it’s Spanish.  My foreign language skills were profoundly effected in the third grade when we were forced to sit on the floor and watch a young lady try to teach us French on a twelve inch television.

But getting back to our young couple, every time I see this commercial I’m very impressed with the length of time it requires this guy to enter his dreamland vistas.  It’s as if he is unaware there’s a beautiful, young lady parked next to him.  Touching him.  And not unhappy at the moment.

I’m not saying they should launch into something here but wouldn’t a “goodnight dear” or a little kiss be in order?   Has the snoring been so bad prior to the coming of ZQuiet they have lost the desire to communicate entirely?  Then why are they even sleeping in the same bed?  Wouldn’t it be simpler to sleep apart and then our young stud wouldn’t have to sleep with a big chunk of plastic in his maw?

So many questions.  And so little time.  I guess it really is all about time and the ZQuiet folks clearly want to talk about the ZQuiet device.  But they ought to consider the notion that we want to talk about other things.  And this commercial seems utterly fake.   They should take a cue from the ED people who know how to make a commercial.  Here’s a guy who has taken his Viagra (or whatever)  and he’s sitting in an old bathtub with his girl next to him in HER own bathtub.  Because you need two old bathtubs in the backyard to make a good commercial!

But the point is he’s used the product and yet he hasn’t jumped on top of his partner!  Why?  Because IT TAKES TIME To Work!  And even if it IS WORKING we want to see a little human interaction.  The product is not some crack-like inducement to instant results that overrules every cell in our bodies AND our minds as well.  And while I’m on this subject let’s also allow that a television commercial isn’t going to overrule our sense of reality either.  Our minds will fight back!  And so they have here.

Now, where did I put the remote?

 

%d bloggers like this: