Here’s my first list for the New Year. It’s all about What You Should Not Do in the coming days. It’s about making good use of the opportunity we have been given to start over again and make fewer mistakes.
One. Don’t think that you should start taking cold showers in the year ahead. Why would you even want to try this? Especially since I tried it for you last night and someone almost had to call the rescue squad.
So this is what happened when I turned the wrong handle in the middle of a nice, hot shower. A signal was sent out to the pipes somewhere to shift gears and bring in the icy waters from Lake Michigan. About two seconds later small chunks of ice started flying out of the shower head and hitting me between the eyes. At this moment my body in an instinctual attempt to save itself tried to climb out of the shower through the back wall of the shower stall. Fortunately it did not try to go out through the glass because it might have succeeded. And then I would have been tattooed with glass as well as ice particles.
All of this was over in a couple of seconds and I was finally able to turn the water off. Someone once suggested that cold showers were good for something. That person was joking.
Two. Avoid staying up all night. Because the next day strange things will start happening to your brain. It has been trained to turn off for six or eight hours every day. And it really gets messed up if this doesn’t happen. Sometime during the next day it will decide go offline without your permission. And that could mean trouble if you are in the middle of something important.
There is only one way that I know to stop it from disconnecting on its own after about the 35th hour. Sit at a desk and put your head down. Rest it lightly on your arms and give it the impression that you are sorry about treating it so poorly. Immediately it will cry for joy and head off into dreamland. But before it can get there you need to remove your arms and start banging it with a good deal of force on the table. Do it three or four times but not hard enough to actually crack your skull and expose the little bag of tricks hiding inside. Just shake him up a little and make him worry about something else besides sleep.
Proceed onward until you are ready to go to bed.
Three. Don’t delete important files in your computer. Why would you want to do this? Especially since I also tried it for you this morning and nearly gave myself another heart attack. I was trying to delete unwanted plugins from my blog and accidentally deleted something called “www”. Suddenly files were racing downhill as if some miscreant file eater with green teeth and a long tail had just invaded their space. And they wouldn’t stop! Eventually I had to shut off the program. Then I went back to my blog and this is what I found: Four very short sentences and a lot of white space. So I clicked on one of the four very short sentences and this is what I found: Nothing.
Fortunately some very wise person at my hosting company had advised me earlier to start backing up my blogging stuff in the cpanel. It’s pretty easy to do. And guess what? I uploaded a file and everything came back. Nobody was more surprised then me when this happened.
One thing I have learned in the last six months is to never have hopeful expectations when you click on something. Always expect to come face to face with Lucifer who will be smiling as he holds up all your credit card numbers and your birth certificate. Because you will not be disappointed when you come face to face with a blue screen or a white screen or a purple screen full of rain.
You will be relieved and continue on down the road in this paved with pixels purgatory that we have created for ourselves.
So these are a few helpful reminders for the coming year. There are more but we can save them for another time. Just remember that I care about what happens to you. I don’t know who you are but you seem like a nice person.
Cheers and Happy New Year!